


Making Lemonade

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-13
Updated: 2002-09-13
Packaged: 2018-10-06 13:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10335578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: SPOILERS: MASSIVE spoilers only for those who want to know the end of season five and the beginning of season six. So, if you don’t want to know... LEAVE! DEPART! FLEE!!Well, now they have to live with what they’ve done....





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Making Lemonade

##  Making Lemonade

##### Written by Elyse Dickenson   
Comments? Write to me at [PX7555@aol.com](mailto:PX7555@aol.com)

  * **SPOILERS** : MASSIVE spoilers only for those who want to know the end of season five and the beginning of season six. So, if you don't want to know... LEAVE! DEPART! FLEE!! 
  * Well, now they have to live with what they've done.... 
  * **PG** [Hu] 



* * *

Stolen straight from the poorly guarded vaults of the Sci-Fi Channel..... Listed as a first draft.
    
    
                        "Stargate SG-1: The Search for Daniel" 
                                 AKA Making Lemonade
    
    
    ACT I
    
    INT - CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN - BRIEFING ROOM 
    
              The remains of SG-1 sit around the briefing table. Daniel 
              Jackson is conspicuously absent with an empty chair in his 
              place. The team looks glum. Even FRAISER and the NEW GUY are 
              there.
    
                                      JACK 
              Um, General, I think we made a big mistake in letting Daniel 
              fritter off in that glow of light. 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              How so? 
    
                                      JACK 
              Well, our ratings aren't that great since he left. I've even
              tried dying my hair to pull in the Danielphiles-- 
    
                                      CARTER 
              Danielites. 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              The what?? 
    
                                      TEAL'C 
              The worshipppers of all that is and was Daniel Jackson. 
    
                                      JACK 
              Yeah, they sorta left in droves after Daniel decided to
              go all mystical and bop off with Oma Desala to follow his 
              path. 
    
    CARTER emits a sniffing noise, but quickly turns professional looking 
    when everybody looks over.
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              Unfortunately there are losses in war, and we are at war with 
              the Goa'uld. 
    
                                      JACK 
              Well, that just ... sucks, sir. And what'isface here... 
    
    JACK gestures at NEW GUY several seats away. 
    
                                      JACK
              He's useless!
    
                                      NEW GUY 
              I don't' know whether to be smart and empathic, or heroic 
              and estranged. 
    
    NEW GUY puts hands to face and starts bawling)
    
                                      NEW GUY 
               I'M SO CONFUSED!!!! Nobody likes me!!!!
    
    CARTER shakes her head.
    
                                      CARTER 
              Oy.
    
                                      JACK 
              See! 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              There was back-up Plan C. 
    
    JACK narrows his eyes.
    
                                      JACK 
              C? What's that? 
    
    HAMMOND removes papers from an envelope. They are marked TOP SECRET.
    
                                      HAMMOND 
               The Sam/Jack plan. 
    
    TEAL'C stands up, pounds fists on table.
    
                                      TEAL'C 
              NO! 
    
                                      JACK 
              Geez, what's the problem, big guy? 
    
                                      CARTER
              It won't work. Studies show that Plan C would drive off 
              other viewers. 
    
                                      JACK (shouting) 
              What is Plan C?! 
    
                                      TEAL'C 
              Fraternization between officers is NOT allowed. 
    
    TEAL'C says quietly under breath.
    
                                      TEAL'C
              And my role would most likely be reduced substantially.
    
    JACK's eyes widen considerably.
    
                                      JACK
              Oh, THAT Plan C. Yeah, when would we have time to shoot the 
              Goa'uld? Although..... 
    
                                      CARTER (under her breath) 
              I'd probably get stuck in tight tank tops. 
    
    JACK coughs slightly, then glances over at NEW GUY, who has head in arms, 
    crying on table top now.
    
                                      JACK 
              So, what do we do? 
    
    
                                      FRAISER 
              What about the new mission, general? 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              Good idea, Doctor. 
    
    Hammond points at the briefing folders in front of everyone. 
    NEW GUY opens up his folder then start sobbing into it. Hammond realizes
    recasting, er, reassigning the NEW GUY might be necessary.
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              Planet PX1-234 may be just what this team needs. It's populated
              by indigenous people who are intelligent, but not as bright as 
              us, and their planet is being threatened by an unknown alien 
              entity. They also have a massive collection of tablets. 
    
    HAMMOND presses button and a quick slideshow of foreign language tablets 
    are shown)
    
                                      FRAISER 
              Colonel, we need to go to that planet and save those people! 
              It's the right thing to do. And I really want a look at those
              Babylonian tablets.... 
    
                                      JACK 
              What?? 
    
                                      CARTER 
              Wow, for a moment there you sounded just like Daniel, 
              Janet. 
    
    FRAISER puts her finger up her nose as though pushing up a pair of glasses.
    
                                      FRAISER 
              Um, it just seemed, what Daniel would have wanted. 
    
    JACK stares suspiciously at Janet, who looks flustered.
    
                                      JACK 
              Janet? 
    
                                      FRAISER 
              Jack? 
    
                                      JACK 
              Ah hah! It's Daniel! 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              What are you talking about? That's Dr. Fraiser. 
    
                                      JACK 
              No, that is Daniel in there. Look! The finger pushing thing 
              Daniel always did, and Janet never calls me Jack unless I'm 
              lying croaking on a bed. 
    
                                      CARTER 
              It can't be. We all saw Daniel ... 
    
                                      TEAL'C 
              Disappear in a very white ball of light. In fact, it was so 
              blinding we never could accurately tell precisely where Daniel 
              Jackson went. 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              Doctor?? 
    
    FRAISER pauses, then suddenly assumes DANIEL JACKSON mannerisms.
    
                                      FRAISER AKA DANIEL 
              Something sort of went wrong in the ascension and I'm, um, 
              stuck in... 
    
                                      CARTER 
              Daniel? 
    
    FRAISER nods dismally.
    
                                      JACK 
              This is like that Star Trek with the glowing bowling balls! 
    
                                      CARTER 
              I thought you didn't like science fiction? 
    
                                      JACK 
              Well, I've seen a few. You know, the one where Kirk's or 
              Spock's consciousness ended up in some glowing bowling balls 
              and Spock ended up in the nurse. And someone fries one and it's
              smoking like a barbecue gone bad... 
    
                                      HAMMOND 
              Is this condition permanent? 
    
                                      FRAISER AKA DANIEL 
              Oma said she'd be back next week, or was that next month? 
    
                                      JACK 
              Gee, Danny, would have been nice to tell us! 
    
                                      FRAISER AKA DANIEL 
              I just thought it was a bad dream or something. 
    
                                      CARTER 
              Well, thank goodness it wasn't like Search for Spock where 
              Spock dies of radiation poisoning after sacrificing himself 
              to save everyone... 
    
    CARTER is suddenly angry.
    
                                      CARTER
              Whoa, just wait a minute there!
    
                                      JACK 
              Carter. Something wrong? 
    
    CARTER glares at Fraiser.
    
                                      CARTER 
              Were you going to mention this before or after 2:00 p.m. today? 
    
                                      FRAISER AKA DANIEL 
              Uh...I... why? 
    
                                      CARTER 
              Because that's when my physical is! 
    
    CARTER looks suitably upset when DR. FRAISER turns beet red and begins 
    Fidgeting. JACK grins and slaps FRAISER on the back.
    
                                      JACK 
              Daniel, you dog!
    
                                   END ACT I
    
    

* * * * *

Alas, had to flee before I could be caught, so was unable to procure the other acts of the show, but I'm sure it will have the same high standard as Act I!

Elyse

**The End**

  


> * * *

> September 29, 2001  
>  © The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  



End file.
